Gauthami Nair, noted for her roles in Second Show and Diamond Necklace, almost vanished from the scene for a few years — but not necessarily by choice. More on that later. For now, the actor is taking confident strides in her second innings, eager to make up for lost time. She will be next seen in Kaakee Circus, a Tamil-Malayalam web series premiering on ZEE5 today.

Gauthami recalls being in discussions with the show’s co-writer Akash Chandramohan long before it was greenlit. Initially conceived as a Malayalam feature film, the project later shifted direction. “The original plan was to make it in Malayalam, after which they tried doing it in Tamil. I hadn’t been in touch with them for a while, so I assumed they had taken it in another direction. They later came back with the web series plan, which I believe was reworked entirely,” she says.

According to the makers, Kaakee Circus follows a thief who sneaks into a jail to steal a temple donation box. As the police investigate, a pair of overenthusiastic wannabe detectives join the chase, trying to outsmart a mastermind who is always a step ahead. Describing it as a dark satire laced with loads of fun and quirkiness, Gauthami says, “I like the way the director has envisioned the project and my character. It’s very different from anything I’ve done before, and I enjoyed playing it.” However, she remains tight-lipped about her role. “There’s a reason you see me only in a blink-and-miss shot in the trailer,” she laughs.

Kaakee Circus is only her ninth acting project in 14 years, an unusually sparse filmography influenced by multiple factors. A university rank holder in psychology, Gauthami chose to prioritise academics at various points in her career. Her marriage to filmmaker Srinath Rajendran, who introduced her in Second Show, also shaped her trajectory before the two parted ways amicably. “I’ve always been passionate about academics, and that meant letting go of several good projects,” she explains. “My marriage was another factor. People within the industry began assuming I had quit films. Production controllers would declare that I was no longer acting, but nobody really checked with me. A lot of life choices ended up restricting me.”

Determined to strike a balance now, Gauthami says she is “taking baby steps” to re-establish herself. Currently pursuing a PhD in psychiatry, she hopes to become more active in films once she completes the course. “I know a PhD is the highest I can go academically right now. If I take a break after this and return, it won’t be as difficult as before. I also don’t think I’ve satisfied my thirst as an actor yet, and believe I have a lot more to offer. But for that, people need to know I’m still around,” she says. Though not physically present in Kerala due to her studies in Bengaluru, she adds she has been reconnecting with film industry colleagues to signal her availability.

Alongside acting, Gauthami is also nurturing her ambitions in writing and direction. Admitting that the behind-the-scenes fascination began during her time with Srinath, she says, “I wasn’t initially serious about acting, but I gradually began enjoying the creative process. Similarly, the frequent conversations with Srinath and his team influenced my desire to direct." 

That ambition nearly materialised with Vritham, her planned directorial debut in 2018. A neo-noir crime drama with an all-women technical team, it was supposed to be headlined by Sunny Wayne and Durga Krishna, with Nivin Pauly in a cameo role. However, that dream was cut short halfway due to production issues. "It's fine if actors and main technicians are made to wait because they might still get work and survive, but not those who work for daily wages. It was very upsetting to work in such a negative environment, and we decided not to resume until the issues are resolved. We had only Nivin's portions left to be finished."

Though many other investors came forward to take up the production, including Dulquer Salmaan's banner, the project never resumed, she adds. “It doesn’t make sense to revisit that story now. Its time has passed, and none of us are in the same mental space. I’d rather start something from scratch.”

Meanwhile, Gauthami has been quietly writing, hoping to shape her ideas into something concrete. Her background in psychology and psychiatry, she says, has deeply influenced her creative process. “Understanding mental health helps me approach characters from different perspectives. Observing behaviour, inner psyche, and personality all come into play. As an actor, I haven’t yet played something very intense and layered, but if I do, I can incorporate these learnings.”

Writing, however, has its own challenges. “It’s difficult to switch from academic writing to storytelling. For so long, I’ve been wired to read and research that my writing tends to sound like a scientific paper. Right now, I’m focusing on developing a storyline and structure, hopefully by the time I finish my PhD.”

For now, her focus is on Kaakee Circus, the only project she currently has in hand. Having waited this long, she isn’t in any hurry. “My only objective is to be part of interesting, fun projects. I only care about how much my character contributes to the story, not whether I’m on screen for 10 minutes or the entire runtime. With Kaakee Circus, I just hope people remember me again.”