Amala Paul: I now prioritise peace over everything else

If someone says 'experiences shape a person', Amala Paul would be among the first to agree. It has been 15 years since the actor made her debut in cinema, but the Amala she is today is just a pale shadow of her former self. Experiences, both bitter and better, took her on a rollercoaster ride all this while. There was a particularly distressing phase in her life when she often posted quotes on social media about heartbreaks, sufferings, conditioning, and trauma... which later got replaced with healing, self-love and gratitude. Till 2020, Amala says, she was in "a long slumber" and the much-needed awakening happened through the pandemic, "which helped gain a new perspective on life." Finding the love of her life and getting remarried has eventually illuminated her days. As the couple is about to welcome the newest member of the family, Amala feels this is the "most blissful" phase of her life.

Along with all the exciting changes in her personal life, Amala is also thrilled about the release of Aadujeevitham, perhaps the biggest film of her career. While speaking over the phone, one can sense both her excitement and fatigue. In the film, which is based on the heartbreaking survival story of Najeeb, a migrant worker, Amala plays the wife, Sainu. Benyamin's best-seller novel, which first brought Najeeb's extraordinary tale to the world, has very little of Sainu's portions. But the film promises much more and Amala also exudes confidence about it in this freewheeling chat.

Excerpts:

It has been six years since you joined Aadujeevitham and during this period, your life and career have seen a sea of changes...

True, that's why Aadujeevitham will always be a personal film for me. Just like how Najeeb had to endure all the challenging phases of destiny, my life has also taken a completely new road. While signing the film in 2018, I was also a bit like Sainu, a naive girl unaware of what drastic changes life has to offer. But I believe, every change is for the good and I'm grateful for it. I thank the universe for aligning me with this film.

Were you aware of the novel before this project was offered?

Yes, but I read it after the offer came. I remember reading it in a single stretch during a three-hour-long flight from Kochi to Delhi. By the end, I was completely in tears and could feel my body shivering. I was so touched by the man's resilience to survive despite all the suffering and the divine intervention he had. I got emotional seeing the man on stage during the audio launch. I'm sure his life will inspire many and ensure nobody goes through such experiences in the future. I hope the film will positively impact humanity and inspire us to coexist in harmony, especially when wars are still being waged across the world.

There's only very little about Sainu in the novel. Can we see more of her in the film?

Blessy ettan beautifully explained the importance of Sainu to me. When you are stranded alone in life, your only flicker of hope is that one person waiting for you. Sainu is that ray of hope for Najeeb. The connection they share is divine. Sainu is innocent, loving and very optimistic. In fact, she's the one who motivates Najeeb to go abroad. This is despite the fact that she is pregnant. I factored in all these inputs while performing. Blessy ettan also had a separate narrative about Sainu's ordeal after Najeeb goes missing. You can imagine how hard it must have been for a young woman living alone without any financial assistance.

Did you ever get a chance to interact with Sainu?

No. I wish I had asked Najeeb about Sainu when I met him at the audio launch. I would have loved to meet her on the stage, but somehow, that thought didn't cross my mind. Maybe it wasn't meant to be. But I'm still planning to meet her soon.

Director Blessy is known for extracting the best from his actors. How did he help you conceive Sainu's role?

Blessy ettan is one of the first filmmakers I met when I was trying to enter movies. His films like Kaazhcha and Thanmathra had a huge impact on me and from then, he has always been on my manifestation list. While working on Aadujeevitham, I realised that he is also a wonderful actor who performs and shows what he expects. I could understand him doing that for Najeeb, because he might be aware of a man's mannerisms, but he was doing the same for Sainu as well. I often felt shy when he performed Sainu's feminine traits. He's also stubborn as a child with what he wants. For instance, the melody Omane was initially composed from Najeeb's perspective, but Blessy ettan somehow managed to convince AR Rahman sir that it had to be from Sainu's POV. He has a very unique thought process. I've seen him give his heart and soul for this film despite his body struggling hard to catch up with his creative mind. I used to often tell him how he would have won multiple Oscars if he was in any other part of the world, but I sincerely hope he gets all that deserves for this film.

How was your experience working with Prithviraj?

Aadujeevitham is our first film together, so for me, Prithvi will always be Najeeb. I've always felt that he is an extraordinary actor, whose real potential hasn't been explored much. We've seen him in character roles in very few films like Indian Rupee and Classmates. He has such a strong personality and to break out of that to transform as Najeeb shows his tremendous range. Another remarkable thing about him is he never complains. He's ready to push himself to any limits for that one perfect take.

Talking beyond Aadujeevitham, you've been travelling a lot after the pandemic. Does that help you keep yourself calm and make wise choices?

Travelling is very important for me because it keeps me sane and also helps me in my performances. If I don't travel regularly, I'll only be interacting with the same set of people and having the same experiences. I always want new experiences, revelations and surprises in life. I can't settle for a routine lifestyle.

Have there been instances where your characters have impacted you on a deeper level?

Lately, I've observed that I'm attracted to characters who share a similar journey as me in real life. When I did the role of a police surgeon in Cadaver (2019), I visited mortuaries and saw live postmortems. I was also reading a lot about what happens after death. It was at the same time when my dad's cancer relapsed and I realised that I was losing him. The character gave me immense strength to face and embrace death. Similarly, I did a Hindi web series called Ranjish Hi Sahi (2021) in which my character has schizophrenia. At that time, I was also not healthy, mentally, and the character was triggering all that I was suppressing inside. Later, I did The Teacher (2022), another intense film where my character is in a state of trauma throughout. It was like therapy for me as I could purge a lot of my pent-up emotions. It was a huge healing process. When we approach art on an intense, more personal level, it takes a severe emotional toll on us, which goes on to affect our personal lives. It takes time to recover and reset myself, and for that, travel is perfect.

Could you tell us a bit about your tryst with spirituality?

Spirituality, for me, is living with an awareness of everything that's happening internally and externally, and trying to find a balance in life with that. I think most of us are not realising that what goes around externally is a manifestation of what's happening inside. So, the change has to be done internally. After my mental breakdown, I've started prioritising peace over everything else. Earlier, the aim was to stay happy all the time, but I realised that it's not practical and human. Being human is going through all the emotions while embracing and processing them in a healthy way. I now let myself experience every emotion that my body and mind want to feel. I also try to identify and break some old patterns, some of which I wasn't even responsible for. It was perhaps a result of my childhood experiences, or how society treated me, or my past relationships. My journey right now is to reinvent myself by reworking these patterns, developing new healthy habits, and learning to coexist.